So Ralph has been pretty jealous of Ropy lately and demanded that he have his own website…so here it is.  Ralph the Dog.

So today I came home for lunch and was getting ready to let the dog out.  As I walked over to the door to let Ralph outside, I noticed Ropy had left me a land mine.  This rug had been washed about two days earlier from his last upchuck so I’m really glad I bothered washing it.  That really helped the appetite for lunch too….bastard!!

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Well…it’s Friday, December the 8th.  Second shotgun season for deer starts tomorrow so I came home from work an hour early to pack up my stuff and hit the road.  As usual, I let Ralph out when I got home.  As I walked over to the sliding door, I noticed a nice fresh pile of yarf that the cat left for me.  Do you notice how the rug is missing?  That’s because the little S.O.B. puked on it the other day and it’s still being washed.  I’m suprised he didn’t wait until it was nice and clean and back on the floor to defile it again.  Worthless M*(&^%#>”} F*&^$%%**

So today was the monthly “I’m super excited because my people brought home a new bag of food for me” puke. This type of puke happens about every time Ropy gets a new bag of cat food. This time he was so excited, he tried to climb into the rubbermaid container that Sara was dumping the new bag of food into. So anyway, he inhaled some food, came upstairs to our bathroom and starting the initial dry heave process on a rug. Sara quickly grabbed the rug, pulled it back and nudged the cat off of it. He immediately ran to the only other rug in the bathroom and yarfed up breakfast. What a worthless s.o.b.

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In the early waking hours today I heard the unmistakable sound of Ropy’s full body heaves.  I said to myself “screw it, Sara can deal with her cat when she gets home from work”.  Sara called me when around 7:30 am as usual so I told her that she had a surprise from that cat waiting for when she got home.  Sara wondered where he puked.  I hadn’t even bothered sitting up earlier when I heard him barf so I sat up to look.  I could partially see a pile of yarf on the floor past the foot of the bed.  As I reached my left hand out to push the comforter down so I could have an unobscured view to the floor, I soon realized I had just planted my hand in a second pile of puke (well…it was probably his first).  That was enough to get me out of bed.  The cat was no where to be seen.  I left the bedroom to go to the laundry closet to get some carpet cleaner and paper towels (for the comforter of course…the floor is still up to Sara).  As I passed the stairway, I saw the S.O.B sitting at the bottom of the stairs, glaring up at me.  I threw the closest item at hand at him (I think it was Ralph leash)…sending him into hiding.  Please tell me again why I haven’t killed him yet.